I Could Have Kept $100,000. I Didn’t.

I’m a creature who loves a routine. I feel at ease when I know I’ve done my daily movement. I’ve scheduled my content for the week. I’ve checked in with my mom. I’ve prepped food for the week. It soothes something in my neuro-spicy brain to know that even if it all goes to shit, I’ve done what I’ve defined as my minimum.

In the last week, I’ve done absolutely zero of those things. I have failed in many, many aspects of my routine and many, many aspects of my personal life.

I’ve scrolled too much. I’ve slept too little. I’ve pushed too hard and, in fact, made myself sick. I have eaten whatever I could find, whatever I could scrounge, whatever bae could bring to me. Meal prepping was not even a thought, let alone a healthy meal. The result is that this Monday I feel like dog shit and I’m behind.

The crux of this drama is that I had a decision to make over the last week: whether I wanted to be a good capitalist or a good community member. That was neither an easy nor cheap decision.

As the founder of Unfiltered & Fed, what this space becomes is on me. And sometimes that fucking sucks.

I run trips primarily to the Middle East, deliberately, because I think it’s a part of the world that Americans deeply misunderstand, and that leads to violence and prejudice that could be avoided. It’s also because the Middle East and North Africa is my second home. I speak Arabic, I read and write Arabic, I have a master’s in Arabic studies, I was a U.S. diplomat who served in the region, and I have lived, worked, studied, and traveled there since I became an adult. I’m now 35.

When I think about offering the kind of experiences I want to offer, subversive ones, intentionally, the Middle East was always my first thought. That’s why, in Jordan, we have dinner with a Palestinian Jordanian chef. That’s why, in Morocco, we deliberately spend time in Amazigh homes. That’s why, in Egypt, I make sure we have dinner with a Nubian family.

And then our fuck-ass president decided to bomb Iran. Without making plans for contingencies, without plans for evacuating American citizens, without any of the things a responsible president would think to do. In doing so, pun intended, he blew up years of planning on my end and tens of thousands of dollars worth of capital investment: scouting trips, time in the region, making sure we had the best and most up-to-date itineraries.

As a result, I made the decision last week to cancel the upcoming Jordan trip, which would have started in a little over a week. It’s such a shame, because in my experience the Middle East is broadly safe except for when America makes it unsafe.

So I had to decide what kind of business I was running.

When I made the decision to cancel, I reached out to our operator on the ground and worked with them to cancel without fees so we could get our money back. I was trying to communicate timely updates to travelers. I was reviewing our contracts, both with the company on the ground and with travelers, to see where we legally stood.

Per the trip agreement our travelers signed, I was not actually required to give anyone a refund. Our contracts with travelers covered force majeure. Missiles flying overhead definitely qualified.

So, I could have elected to keep everyone’s money.