Imagine, in 61 years, as a woman in a society where women are the caretakers, the planners, the birthday party organizers, how many times has that woman showed the fuck up?

I’m betting hundreds.

But if you’re single, child free, or live a life that doesn’t fit into the neat boxes that society prescribes, it can often feel like there’s no one to celebrate your milestones. No one to even notice.

When I got divorced it was a whole different story. It was this community of folks on my email list and in my dms that said “girl go ahead and put that Venmo up”, “make that registry”.

That support changed my life.

It helped me furnish my first solo apartment after my separation, easing that transition from no furniture and sleeping on a borrowed mattress pad to a comfy place that felt safe to let myself fall apart.

Those Venmo transfers helped me pay for a shitload of therapy, which helped me slowly come back to myself. They made me feel safe enough to take extended time off, which I desperately needed even if it was going to cost me.

And yes, some people thought it was tacky. I saw the comments. The snark. But thankfully I’ve never been one to listen to people who spend time complaining on the internet about what other people are doing.

Especially for women, the milestones we have been taught to celebrate, that it is socially acceptable to celebrate, involve a man or a traditional power structure.

A promotion handed down from a boss.

A marriage.

A child.

Single women now own more homes than single men in the US.

More Americans are single than previous generations and more women especially are choosing to remain single.

The economy is shifting rapidly, with Black women being pushed out of the workforce, more and more women becoming entrepreneurs, and gig work becoming more widespread.

US birth rates have fallen and adults are planning to have fewer children.

This means fewer “nuclear families”, fewer couples having traditional weddings along with a kid or two, fewer big promotions to that fancy title, fewer milestones that we have been taught to celebrate and revere.

So yes, show up with flowers and their favorite snack. Send meal delivery or delivery gift cards. Plan that party. Make a registry for anything and everything. Pool funds and miles among friends.

For your hysterectomy. For when you’re post-op after fibroid removal. For when you buy your first home by yourself or move into that new rental you’ve been eyeing. For when you go to grad school at 39.

For when your friend is widowed but also for their business launch. For retirement. For milestone birthdays. For when your self-employed friend lands a really big contract or wants to take some time off without the benefit of PTO.

Thankfully, so many of us are already making these new milestones matter for ourselves and for our people. Just read the comments on this post. They’re beautiful and there are so many good ideas here.

All we got is us.

So how can you show up for someone in your life today?

Use Moonsift.

It’s free, and you can easily create a wishlist for anything, for any occasion.

You can add products from any website, just be sure to add a note about sizing if you’re adding clothes or shoes. You can add your Venmo info or another money transfer app so people can send you funds directly. And you can easily share it with friends, who can then check off what’s been purchased.

I get it. And this is a shitty feeling that I have experienced far too often as the “strong friend” and the “together one”, at least in people’s perceptions.

First, do the hard thing and have a direct conversation.

People cannot read your mind and often have no idea about the ways they hurt you, especially by omission. Some people will change and some won't after a conversation. But, if you love someone and it’s important to you, you should give them a chance.

In my view, once it’s out in the open then you can see clearly whether this dynamic is something you want to continue.